Shh...it's a secret
But here's why it probably shouldn't be...
Apparently, I’m a Secret Writer.
The other day at school pickup I ran into another mom I’ve known for about a year. Her child is in my son’s class and she is just lovely. We chat when we see each other and it’s always fun and interesting. This time when I saw her the first thing she said was, “I didn’t know you were a writer!”
It turns out she’d seen my website on my email signature when I’d sent a message to the class about something. But in all our chats at school events and birthday parties over the last year…I’d never once mentioned I was a writer.
Because apparently, I am a Secret Writer.
Despite fact that I have two books under contract with a legit publisher and a robust freelance writing career, I am highly uncomfortable with the idea that anyone from my “real” life would know about this. Now, if you’re thinking, “But isn’t the goal of being a writer that people read what you write and buy your books?” then congratulations, you are clearly much more logical and well-adjusted than me.
And yet, I’m not alone on this. When I posted about the Secret Writer phenomenon on Instagram, so many people messaged me to say they related! I think there are a couple of reasons for this:
Showcasing something you’ve created feels vulnerable. I’ve heard this not just from writers and other artists, but also from entrepreneurs. Because we’re not just putting our ideas out there, we’re also saying, “This thing I created has value.” Like, literal value, like the price of your book on Amazon, for example.
And calling attention to the value of something you created among strangers is one thing, but doing it with people you know feels somehow much scarier. Because if they don’t agree (i, e., they don’t buy your book or show no interest in what you’ve created,) well, that’s pretty awkward at the next Mom’s Night Out, right?
We’re afraid of being judged. I play very specific roles for all the people in my life: wife, mother, Class Mom, casual Pilates friend with whom you discuss the weather, etc. And none of those roles come with great segues for bringing up “Hey I just wrote this book, maybe you’d like it.” Doing so feels self-promotional and I worry that it will be jarring for people who are expecting to talk about whatever we normally discuss – our kids, a new smoothie recipe, whatever. But also, not talking about this thing that’s so important to me means maybe I’m missing out on a possible deeper connection…
I don’t have any answers here. I just know that being a Secret Writer seemed to resonate when I posted it. So if you are an artist or entrepreneur who has figured out how to talk about what you do in an authentic way in “real” life (not just online) please send me your tips!
Oh, and you know what happened with the mom from school? She went to my website, read a bunch of my articles, and told me she loved them and how much they resonated with her.
So, maybe it’s time to stop keeping secrets. And if you’re keeping any, let me know! Did you write a book, start a business, or otherwise create something you’re proud of? I want to hear all about it!
Other fun stuff
I wrote a couple of fun articles recently that you might enjoy! One on how to do a digital spring clearing, and another on 15 questions to ask in the interview process to avoid a toxic work culture. You can catch up on all my latest writing over on my website.
I also read (well, listened to) an excellent book: Kiley Reid’s Come and Get It. If you’re into audiobooks I highly recommend it in that format to get the full effect of the exquisite southern accents. (“Oh my Lord, bless her heart.”)
I talk a lot more about books and writing over on Instagram, so feel free to join me there!
Until next time,
Caitlin xo